RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Wed, April 28, 2010 13:12:07
You
could say that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il has two primary
obsessions: maintaining nuclear weapons capability as a means of
protecting his “hermit kingdom,” and thwarting pressure from outside
forces like from America and the rest of the industrialized world to
open his country to modern things like electricity… and he’s obsessed
with film. He loves movies. It’s rumored that he has one of the largest
private film collections in the world. His favorite film is Gone with
the Wind and his favorite actress is Elizabeth Taylor. He’s a film
collector and bona fide cinephile, but he’s much more. He’s everything
really. He’s a director, a producer, a financier, a costume maker, set
designer, screenwriter, cameraman, sound engineer… and he’s also a film
theorist. His masterwork on aesthetics and practice is “On the Art of
Cinema” (written and published in the early 1970s). In it he gives
himself the humble title, “Genius of the Cinema.” He built an extensive
film studio in Pyongyang and when he couldn’t find someone to make his
film. He did what any self-respecting eternal leader and great
president would do, he kidnapped one.
Vice founder Shane Smith visits North Korea to try and penetrate the
Korean Feature Film Studio, the state-run film production facility west
of Pyongyang: a sprawling lot that at its height produced around 40
films a year.
http://www.vbs.tv/watch/the-vice-guide-to-film--2/north-korea-part-1-of-3
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Thu, March 04, 2010 11:18:23So, Sheffield sees an influx of Vikings for the Turisas gig. But, how many of them are willing to rape and pillage for the sake of prooving they are into the Viking way of life?
Dan, 19, Manchester; Matt, 19, Sheffield
Which would you rather be a swash-buckling pirate or a gay Viking?
Dan: A Viking, definitely. You get to race across land and fields screaming
Matt: Pirates only get to kill fish at sea.
Dan: Wait, did you say 'gay' Viking?
Danny, 19, Blackpool
Do you think Turisas run the risk of not being taken seriously for their music, instead becoming a short lived novelty band?
Danny: No, not at all, behind Turisas is a lot of musical talent with a lot of scope. Even if they do decide to go beyond the whole ‘Battle Metal’ scene, they would still be around. I would see many more albums.
But they're not a quality band like Chas 'n' Dave are they?!
Danny: Who are Chase 'n' Dave?
Michael, 21, Doncaster
If Scottish pirates and Nordic Vikings engaged in a mass battle, who would win and why?
Michael: Vikings, because I think they would use some kind of wizardry........ and they are AWESOME!!!
Nice Tool shirt.
Michael: I love Tool!
Anne, 19, Worksop; Mike, 21, Worksop; Kev, 20, Worksop
So is this everyone from Worksop here tonight?
Mike: Almost
Do you like raping and pillaging?
Kev: Love it. Do it every weekend.
Would you rape and pillage in Sheffield?
Mike: No, not round here, for obvious reasons.
What reasons are they?
Mike: Just reasons
Does this young girl know what she's got herself into tonight?
Anne: What do you mean by that?
Like, will there be any Viking antics going on later in a hotel room?
Mike: We're all friends. Nothing's going on.......
(a moment of silence as we all look at each other)
Want to pose for a picture?
Kev: Sure.
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Wed, March 03, 2010 14:04:02
Your's truly in bottom left of the picture in black hat, just about to be smacked in the head by Liam Cancer Bats
So, a dark Autumnal night in Leeds sees quiet suburbia become the focal point of Hardcore - Canadian giants Cancer Bats are playing in a basement! This little shin-dig comes just hours after Cancer Bats have supported post-hardcore-frat-boys Funeral for a Friend in a packed room of Leeds Metropolitan University freshers.
The promise made by many of spending a quiet Sunday night watching a very special musical ‘happening’ in Leeds quickly evaporates in to the air like the dreams of an aspiring young blonde who is seeking her new life in London - let the riot commence.
Support comes from hyperactive Leeds upstarts; D-Rail who don't disappoint, launching in to razor sharp riffs, and spewing out note perfect renditions from their latest EP. Dry-wit courtesy of front man Lee - who quickly realises he doesn't need the microphone to communicate his thoughts to the packed basement who are all within arms reach.
Second band on; The Plight generate the first sing-along of the night. Ali towers over the crowd in a Jesus like pose preaching pure testosterone fuelled mayhem in musical form.
Come 10pm and concern and rumour is circulating amongst those gathered in the kitchen, bathroom, garden (and every little damp corner of this house) that the band have decided to cancel. Empty cans of Orangeboom and Red Stripe are strewn across what was once someones living room floor. As the night appears to be getting violent; Cancer Bats decide to play. A flood of people race to the basement in anticipation, leaving minimal room for the band to load in and set up leading Stoz (guitarist of The Plight) to ask people to "move out of the fucking way!!!". Short delay and Caner Bats are running through tracks from ‘Hail Destroyer’ and 'Birthing the Giant'. Twenty topless men create a mosh-pit, small in size but still as rough as the bed of fierce torrents. There are probably too many cameras in this room, but everyone is having a great time.
Thoughts of tonight’s madness will surely swim for days around the heads of all whom were present.
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Wed, February 17, 2010 14:49:30
When they’re not fighting for the ‘people’, taunting North Korea through the safety of the DMZ or creating pretty sinister Tartan Extreme horror films about twin sisters, one of which is dead but the other thinks she’s alive; the South Koreans are making plans to get everyone doing the horizontal mambo.
South Korean government workers are being given the instruction to go home, put some Al Green on, get naked and pro-create.
Officials from the Ministry of Health told their staff that at 1900hrs on a weekday evening each month, they would turn off the lights in the office; forcing people go home and have sex. They are eager for staff to go home to their families and, well, make bigger ones.
South Korea has one of the lowest birth rates in the world – lower than Japan (they never like to get naked). It appears the South Koreans are a rapidly ageing society with falling levels of manpower and out of control healthcare costs. The Ministry of Healthcare – sometimes referred to as the Ministry of Matchmaking has decided to lead by example.
Makes you hate being British doesn’t it?! We’ve got the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe (fast becoming the world), if you take a day off for flu, you’re told to bring in medical evidence and the idea of getting naked doesn’t work because gas prices are so high which makes my house freezing, I rarely get as far as taking my clothes off because I’m so cold. Plus, could you imagine ringing your boss in the morning “Sorry, I can’t come in, I’m too busy coming in my wife!” you’d be sacked, likewise if I was to say at 2pm “Right, I’m off home now. Got a massive hard on, need to give it to my wife asap. Might not even make it home, may just do it in the car”.
Then again I suppose with all the freedom of going home early to have sex, the down side is you have to actually create a family. This why I plan to hand my notice in at work (one month’s notice), get a vasectomy (simple day patient procedure), move to South Korea, marry a Korean woman, plan family making with her (she doesn’t need to know about the vasectomy) I’ll tell her after twenty unsuccessful years of trying for a child (due to vasectomy procedures) that I’ll be moving back to the UK (this would clearly be to get my pension and free healthcare when I’m in my 70’s and need constant round the clock nurse care for my piss-soaked pants).
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Mon, December 21, 2009 16:55:23It has recently become clear that the only solution to world wars and conflicts is; Marmite.
Surprisingly low levels of zinc are found people who eat unleavened bread. A low level of Zinc can cause many side effects, mainly in the form of aggression. Here is the solution: Marmite is a great source of Zinc, Instead of shipping out troops to ‘calm/resolve’ conflicts we should air drop bread and Marmite, that way everybody eats and no one gets killed.
I personally fucking hate Marmite, so I’ll carry on getting my Zinc from normal over the counter pills. Enjoy your Marmite, you aggressive bastards!
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Mon, December 21, 2009 16:54:29So I get back from a drinking hole, it’s Sunday. Me and my house mate settle down to laugh and make jokes, I begin to write my name on the right foot of my green Ed Hardy shoes - it looks good, I have written 'KILGOUR' across the toe
Still drunk but sober enough to be able write or at least know what I want to write, the problem is I don't understand what compelled me to write my name on my shoe. . I feel I am bored waiting for my strong pre-bed time espresso.
Well, I think, 'you can't write your name on one shoe and not the other, can you?! Can you, is that possible?' I begin to form the 'K' on the left foot, then the top of the 'I' but then disaster! My housemate decides to talk to me during this clearly difficult task I have taken on and before I now it the 'I' has turned in to an 'L'. Now what?! Where do I go from here? Tipex? Neatly strike a line through it and carry on? Scribble it out hastily?
Do I write ‘KLILGOUR’, can that work?
I throw my head back in distain, have I ruined my shoes? Can they be saved? I decide to continue with the shoe re-design, I slowly pick up the biro and add the only thing I can think of; an 'F'. I sit and gaze at my new Ed Hardy shoes, customised if you will. One of them has 'KILGOUR' written on the toe the other shoe has 'KLF' on it. I sit and stay silent, slowly sobering up. I decide my housemate doesn't need to know about the drama and that KLF weren’t the worst band in the world.
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Mon, December 21, 2009 16:52:46Dear President Ahmadinejad,
You're so cool, you're like an Iranian James Bond, I bet you take your havij bastani shaken, not stirred. You're also very handsome, I'd go as far to say that I would be very happy if someone like you were to hook up with my mum.
I'm writing today to congratulate you on a victory but to also ask you if it was legitimate. I know the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has congratulated you as well, and if indeed you won it fair and square then well done. However, if you have cheated in some way to steal the election from Mir Hossein Mousavi, then I have to say that I'm very unhappy and expected better from you.
I know many have cried foul and clashed with riot police in Tehran, despite there being an obvious ban on public protests. You must not let any more people get hurt. This would be a massive step backwards, especially when you have been doing so well recently.
We all understand the predicament, but you must be good before Uncle Sam decides he wants to take unnecessary and drastic action. We all know it only take the sight of a Shemagh and those Americans get all nervous.
Ahh, I think back to the times we have shared. That time in 2007 when you gave those fifteen British Sailors back to us and said it was an Easter gift to the British people from Iran.
All I ask is that we get this resolved, I think it would be best for all concerned, I mean after all, you don't want to end up with people hating you. Look at that poor Saddam and that fella George Bush. You can be better than them.
All my love,
Stevie
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Mon, December 21, 2009 16:52:07Dear Cheryl Cole,
I'm not crazy or anything. I'm not a stalker either and I'm certainly not the worse kind; a crazy stalker. I'm not really into your music but I found your address, so you'll do I suppose. I'll keep it brief as I'm pretty busy to be brutally honest.
I've been watching you on that X Factor show and think you’re a feisty one. I'm not too sure I like hearing your accent all the time as it cuts right through me. But you're not as bad as the pale one in your band. You know, the one who looks like an albino Twiglet.
I know you've had your issues in the past and your tattoos leave a lot to be desired. I don’t mind that you beat up a toilet attendant; I get angry at those guys too. Once, I was having a pee and I washed my hands and the guy just asked me to tip him. I mean, he didn’t even do anything, just stood there like a voyeur, staring. I was so incensed I screwed up the paper tissue and placed it in the bin with vigour. He'd probably never seen anyone so angry before, it must have been a shock to him.
So anyway I'll cut to the chase, two things primarily. First of all; would you like to come over to my house in Armley in Leeds and do stuff with my girlfriend while I watch, if you’re lucky I may join in..... but I'm not promising as I have a short attention span and I'm not really a fan of your music. I live just near Mike's Carpets. That's right, the 'World Famous Mikes Carpets'. A mate of mine said he once met Mike in the car park, I'm not sure I believe it really happened. Then again, why would Lee lie about something like that? To impress me? With such a thriving business like Mikes Carpets, you’d think Mike would spend all his time in Monaco on his yacht not in a car park outside Wilkinsons talking to Lee.
Secondly, what's Danni Minogue really like? Is she real or fake like that Barrymore chap? Maybe she's just some kind of elaborate animatronic puppet supplied to ITV by Disney? I've been using her as a way of scaring the local kids recently. None of them understand English (I think they're Afghan or Romanian or something. I doubt they even know who Danni Minogue is, but I think the cardboard cut out I'm using in the window is having some kind of effect. Anyway, I'd appreciate an answer.
When you come over, wear that leather jacket/dress combo with your hair down, you look tolerable that way. I'm not saying I'd do anything as frankly I'm fairly picky, but I think you should at least make an effort don’t you think?! Ashley may let you get away with looking like a scruff, but not on my watch.
Yours in waiting,
Stevie
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Mon, December 21, 2009 16:51:40Dear Peter Andre,
Can I just say I'm so sorry to hear about your recent plight, the series of unfortunate events which has engulfed your life, leads me to believe that not even someone as highly talented, loving and sexy as yourself is immune from lady lucks evil sister; Miss Fortune!
Like many others I've seen the papers and read the gossips magazines and stared intently at the 'Entertainment news' on various 'hip' young channels, including the BBC and I feel for you, I really do. You once sang about a Mysterious Girl and how you would like to get close to her. But my problem with this is; you simply let your standards drop. I mean you got with Jordan. She is hardly mysterious; I mean I've seen a video where she let some guy stick a toe in her, not even in her mouth...... I'm talking naughty parts, it's true she did. Have you seen it? It's awful I clicked off it as I was just too freaked out. I mean why would you do something like that?! I wouldn't put my toes anywhere near Jordan, yet, you put even more close to her. Pete, my hat goes off to you; you also have my deepest sympathies.
You do know she has been filmed doing a lot more, at what point did you think she would make a good wife?!
So she's on holiday now apparently. Getting boozed up and doing what girls do when they want to let loose. Do you still have her kids, if not who has them? You're too nice for your own good fella. Grow a pair! I'm sorry I didn't mean that, I just hate to see you being treated so badly. You should know that you are always welcome in my house, and if you are free and just want to hang out, then come over I live just near Mike's carpets in Armley. I know you are very busy recording number one albums, platinum albums and such, probably, got a few films in the pipeline have you? Yeah I bet you have.
As for the tears. Save them Pete. Save them in a small glass or 1.5 litre bottle and use them as ink to pen lyrics of high emotion. Lyrics that will change the world. Write the heartfelt awe-inspiring songs you have before just like you did in the jungle that time with old people and that whore Katie Price write songs like 'Insania'. God that was such a great song.
You know in hindsight maybe you should have hooked up with that Katie Price girl instead of Jordan. Katie seemed like a nice family girl. Why did you go for that plastic whore Jordan? Personally I would never go out with anyone who had the same name as a war ravaged country in the Middle East.
Well I must go now Pete, but trust me you'll go on to do great things with your life, just like that other fella who went out with her did. That footballer: Dwight Yorke.
All my love,
Stevie
P.S Don't you think it's funny that Katie Price looked a lot like Jordan?!
RantPosted by Stevie Kilgour Thu, November 05, 2009 16:44:00So it rumbles on, bin men are still on strike and everyday I walk to work I face the Total Wipeout like obsticle course, which sees me jumping over bin bags, trying not to slip on a discarded empty bread wrapper which has fallen from a procariously balanced over-filled wheelie bin. Then of course there is the odd rat which scuttles across the road at 40mph making me squirm and drivers on the school-run swerve out of the way.
We're into week nine at the moment, and it's still bad, not catastrophic as we have had some bin collections round. Agency workers who are half my age and fresh out of school, uni students who have every second Wednesday free to throw refuse in to what look like privately owned bin trucks.
It seems like only yesterday that the council thought it had made a breakthrough. In week six of the bin strike the council offered workers a package that should resolve the war over pay-cuts which have forced refuse workers to take strike action.
The offer follows a series of talks between the council and unions. Neil Derrick of the GMB union said: "The negotiations were concluded on Wednesday. They were long, detailed and quite complex, but we have come to the position where we have a final package proposal from the council.
"We will be explaining in detail what the proposals mean to our members, giving them time to reflect, and then to vote on whether we have achieved what we have set out to achieve.
"The biggest driving force was that we had been sitting with our members facing savage pay cuts. Many of our members were literally fighting to keep a roof over their heads, so the detail [of the offer] has been important."
Mr Derrick said the council had made some concessions, but they did not wish to divulge any further details of the offer.
"The workers have all come out together and we want to make sure that, if they decide to do so, they all go back in together," he added. That means ensuring every category of worker has a proposal which is satisfactory."
Mr Derrick said the strike had "always been about the workers". "It is their dispute and at the end of the day, it is them who will decide," he added.
Leeds City Council said the talks had been "constructive and productive and we are pleased there is a resolution on the horizon," a spokesman said.
Council leader Richard Brett said: "I believe we now have a proposal on the table which is good for our staff as well as the people of Leeds."
The council said that the offer meant an annual pay cut of £231 for refuse collectors, instead of the original maximum loss of £4,491, which led to the walkout. But council drivers who empty street litter bins would still lose up to £994 and street sweepers £543, instead of £3,535 and £2,634. All the cuts would be phased in over two years.
Desiree Risebury, Yorkshire regional organiser for the GMB union, said that staff had always been prepared to work longer hours, but that the deal required speeds within the existing timeframe that were "just physically impossible". The union calculated that crews would have to collect from 220 properties an hour – an increase of 30 on current rates, and working out at clearing almost four sets of wheeliebins a minute.
We now of course know that the vote from refuse workers was an outstanding 92% in favour of continuing the strike, some workers threatening to stay away from work till Christmas.
It seems we have reached stalemate, and sees the argument go on. Something which the workers in the pictures said they we’re prepared for which they held the rally at Leeds Town Hall in September.
